Friday, March 23, 2012

toilet troubles

alright, im gonna cut straight to the chase...i pee way too much nowadays. in fact, i think i have pee'd more this past 9 months than i have in my whole life put together! (okay, maybe i exaggerate?). but seriously, i dont think i have enough digits on which to count the number of times i go in one day (now that isnt an exaggeration!). i can pee on demand, i tell you! of course, it doesn't help that my one outstanding craving this pregnancy has been ice water, and LOTS of it. come on now really, thats not a fair balance!

now, the thing about having a bladder that is constantly being sat on by a tiny human being, is you have to be prepared to use any available toilet at any given time! and you cant be choosy! you take what you can get. i never have been so weird to where i refuse to use public toilets, certainly not. but i have never used public toilets as many times as i have these past few months either! now there are a few that i would frequent if i am around town because of their overall goodness, but there are also a few that i stay far away from knowing the state in which i have found them in the past. for instance, the toilet in the local sandwich shop is always out of hand soap and the toilet in the big grocery store smells like someone thought the walls were the toilet bowl.

anyway, i think i may have gotten this public toilet thing down to a science. and it has been quite the adventure, to be honest. would you like to hear about it? probably not, but i'm going to keep typing anyway. there are many things i've discovered and kept a mental note, on which i will now expound! here goes!

is there anything worse than trying to get your hands dried by some machine that feels like someone is just breathing on you? or, walking out looking like you didn't actually make it to the toilet because of the sad empty paper towel dispenser?
or, can i tell you how many times there hasn't been toilet paper in bathroom? no, i cant because it would have been too many times to count. and me, being too embarrassed to tell the staff because, "here comes the giant demanding pregnant lady who just used the toilet without toilet paper. gross."
or, isnt it the worst when you close the stall door and there is no where to hang your purse and coat? i mean, what am i supposed to do then?
or, what about when its a fancy schmancy automatic flusher, but without you moving an inch, you get a free bidet treatment? the worst!
or, how about how all public toilets here in ireland don't have sanitary sheets for the seats! very frustrating, but also easy enough to get over, free quadricep workout!
or, what about those toilet paper dispensers that hang to each and every sheet so tightly, that you end up with just a handful of torn pieces that you have to make work somehow? is that done on purpose to keep cost down? hey, i guess its better than nothing at all, right?
also, is there anything better than walking into a restaurant or cafe or other public place, and expect the worst bathroom ever, but then are pleasantly surprised when you walk into a well stocked and well cleaned toilet? i don't think there is!

ok, thats all my mental notes. aaaaand i have to pee. ok bye.

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